Everything Changes

 

    Today I listened to a song on Spotify sung by Sara Bareilles called "Everything Changes". Today, November 13th, in 1982 was Regina's original due date. I know that due dates are a kind of average and two weeks either side is pretty normal. Regina was born 12 weeks before her due date though. I was single, with no family nearby. She and I had a rough road ahead of us. We are still on that road. It wasn't long before she had an adopted father, and later, a sister. The road is a lot less lonely now. Today I say a prayer for all the single mothers giving birth, especially in traumatic circumstances, full of love and worry, joy and fears. May they know some comfort.

    Listening to this song brought up wells of emotion all these 38 years later. Here are the lyrics:

Today's a day like any other
But I am changed
I am a mother
Oh in an instant
And who I was has disappeared
It doesn't matter, now you're here
So innocent
I was lost for you to find
And now I'm yours and you are mine

Two tiny hands, a pair of eyes
An unsung melody is mine for safekeeping
And I will guard it with my life
I'd hang the moon for it to shine on her sleeping
Starting here and starting now
I can feel the heart of how

Everything changes
My heart's at the wheel now
And all my mistakes
They make sense when I turn them around
Everything changes
What I thought was so permanent fades
And I swear I'll remember to say we were both born today
Oh, and it's true
What did I do to deserve you

I didn't know, but now I see
Sometimes what is, is meant to be
You saved me
My blurry lines, my messy life
Come into focus in time, maybe
I can heal and I can breathe

'Cause I can feel myself believe

That everything changes
My heart's at the wheel now
And all my mistakes
They make sense when I turn them around
Everything changes
What I thought was so permanent fades
And I swear I'll remember to say we were both born today
Oh, and it's true
What did I do to deserve you
Thank God for you

Pandemic Ups and Downs

     Health and Human Services has said that all group home residents who have been staying away from their group homes during the pandemic must now decide what their status will be going forward by November 1st. They must either return to their group homes or change status. We have decided, as guardians, that we are not ready to send R back. The dayhab that she used to go to five days a week is not going to be opening back up anytime soon, and the house staff will not be taking her out for walks or drives, which we can do, so there is no sense putting her right back in the situation she was in last March, feeling bored and trapped. Our status is now as a "host home". She will still receive all her benefits and HCS funding will pay us to take care of her at our home. We are having to provide some documentation to the provider company and they will send us paperwork that we will need to use to keep records. Then we will turn those records in monthly. The down side is that they cannot guarantee that her room will still be available when she is ready to go back. That fact is very upsetting to her because she very much likes her situation. The economics of the whole thing is understandable though, and the provider has been very accommodating to us. They have done the best they can for her, and we appreciate that.